Asked by Anonymous
While I appreciate the vote of confidence in my understanding of things like grown-up clothing, I feel like I should probably warn you that, if you are looking for advice for looking on-trend or making your body look more homogeneously socially acceptable, I am probably not the best person to ask.
Disclaimers aside, here’s what every casual-femme badass needs in her closet:
1. You need bras that fit. Even if you think you know what size you wear, get fitted. Seriously. By a professional. Not at Victoria’s Secret, because their sizing is wonky as fuck.
What kind of bra you wear will seriously alter the silhouette of your clothes. I find that minimizers redistribute my boobs in a way that I, at least, find much easier to dress. Your mileage may vary. Shop around.
2. You need clothes that fit. You know those numbers on clothing tags? Ignore those fuckers as anything but the vaguest of guidelines. I wear a range of about eight sizes, depending on garment, fit, cut, manufacturer, and personal preference. I am not joking.
The above goes double for jeans.
3. You need cardigans. Cardigans are the classic grown-up-casual-femme accessory. They go with everything from cargo shorts to evening gowns, and they are a good way to dress up the jeans and t-shirts you already have and make them look a little more grown-up. Also, cardigans are a great foundation for big ridiculous brooches, which I wholeheartedly endorse because they are among the very few accessories that are both inherently grown-up and goofy as hell.
4. It is fucking killing me to type this, so I hope you appreciate it: wide belts are pretty good for accenting waists, if that’s what you’re after.
5. I am told that skinny jeans are all the rage these days. Here is the secret to wearing skinny jeans: pair them with non-skintight past-the-knee flat soled boots. If you do this, you will look like a superhero, which may or may not be trendy but is definitely fuckin’ awesome.